My husband masturbates

The question:

We have been together for 17 years, my man has never been a sex goddess and I've made. Our sex is increasingly rare. It turns out that there are some nights I went to bed after him. I could not get to sleep but I tried. I felt that my husband looked at me, checked that I was asleep and he turned his back to masturbate. I feel bad, ugly and I do not know what to do. Since the beginning of our relationship, I ask him to go see a specialist because I think it's a premature ejaculator but he never did. In 17 years together, I can count on the fingers of one hand the times I really enjoyed with my man. What can we do? Uobit

The response of Alain Héril
Sex therapist

The problem you pose is in the range of relational and sexual problems than the mere fact of your husband. Obviously the desire is not flowing between you and this since the beginning of your relationship. The fact that your husband masturbates to you suggests that his need for sex is present but can not make it happen with you. If you wanted to do at all, he would secretly without you aware of his solitary activities! Here he is with you and "something in him" should know that you are fully aware of what is happening. Presumably you are not a sufficient "object of fantasy" for him ... or that you are too much and it inhibits it.

In any case, it seems to me that consultation with a specialist recommended that you have rightly should be two. This would put all that clutter and puts you in pain and able to analyze it in order to begin to find solutions. Because they exist but it is necessary to enable a true reflection on sexuality in your marriage and you can not be the only one to think! The work must be done two to be effective.

You live together depuis17 years with so little pleasure it is time to reverse the trend to give your partner the chance to enter a relationship where desire and its realization can find their rightful place ... finally!